January 9, 2017

The Purge

As you may see, this page is blank.

Well, apart from this very first post of 2017 right here. This is sort of a fresh, new start for me and Indie by heart. Like an empty canvas, as is so often said. There's still some of my old sponsor links and other visible remains of the previous blogging, but most has changed around here - and that change will likely continue. Years have passed by so quickly and I can't believe it's been almost seven since I first started this hobby, and it's over two since I last posted anything related to material things - such as beauty or fashion. Even before that there were months of silent periods because I just didn't have the inspiration. I've actually just hid all of my old posts (since 2010 until the last two updates of 2016) and not permanently deleted everything. I didn't want to fully erase this huge part of my self expression. I will start going through everything and might even put back some, but if I do then only the best bits. x
And why this sudden "purge" - why today, why now? Well, I did actually start this cleaning process last spring already, when I had to scan some work related papers using my old computer. Sitting by my desk with a mug of coffee, it took me back in time to those days when I used to photograph and write almost daily. I loved that a lot and on some days I miss it so much! So, while I was sitting by my retro desk in my little kitchen with my dear old laptop, I got the sudden urge to start writing to this blog page again. There were a lot of changes and life events going on, so first I painted with watercolours and then I wrote something about my current situation. My grandpa had just died and I needed a way to clarify, some other than crying. But when I had gotten it all out, I left you again. I even hid this blog for some time, and went back to my regular basis of posting solely on Instagram (you can follow me here by the way).

I'm not sure if I can really blame Instagram for this neglect, but it has been so much easier way for me to pour out my thoughts and inspiration. Through my own snaps and other people's art, quotes, illustrations, photos. Telling all about my current emotions, life, relationships, home decor, little DIY-projects, fashion inspiration, food etc. with single image and short captions. I guess I just got too lazy. And after all, I did get to keep a portal to express myself somehow. But to my defense, "real blogging" used to take me multiple hours on some days. First to update this page, and to go through all of my comments replying to each of them, and to visit all those lovely people back. I guess it took such a huge bite of me that I eventually ran out of all fuel. And just like any other relationship in life, we kind of broke up. Me and this blog. And me and you.
Looking back, I'm so sorry for my distant behavior, but I just gradually grew out of this life. There might even be someone still waiting for me to reply, so I'm sorry if I abandoned you. Today's new post might also just be some kind of temporary mental disorder, but at least today I felt like writing something again. And since this is mine after all, why shouldn't I be able to have this kind of mood swings, going back and forth online/offline? But even though I never completely left from this social circle and I'm not any public figure, I feel like I've always owed some kind of explanation. Indie by heart did raise some minor awareness during its most vivid times after all. We had something special going on here. Once for instance, I was on a cruise with my friends when this unknown girl came up to me asking if I write a blog and told that she follows me. My heart definitely skipped a beat right then! And along with this minor level of publicity, I did also get to promote many businesses & fellow bloggers throughout the active years. My complete disappearance from "the blogosphere" has left me carrying around some baggage. A faint embarrassment for first taking compensation, to then merely giving this all up and all out of the blue.

(I'm still up for promoting small business owners here and on my other platforms such as Instagram and Pinterest. It would be so nice to get content for my future blogging. But more of that subject is to come in another post.)

So, what's up with this girl there then.

My little sister had a baby girl summer 2015 and I'm her godmother. I couldn't be more proud of that little, clever ray of sunshine. I've also been a single girl for 2,5 years now. There's been short "romances" but nothing I want to share at the moment. It's all in the past now anyways, and I can't wait to see what's waiting for me around the next corner. Okay, since someone special might read this and wonder why I'm not saying anything - I've had some joy in my days for a month now. I can't really tell you more for now, but he brings smile to my face every day.
I would love to travel even more than I've had the change. I do think I've been lucky enough to have been able to visit Riga, Latvia many summers in a row. One of my friends moved from our home town in Finland to Frankfurt, Germany and I switched my holiday travel destination to visit her. Total of two times during last year and I'll fly over again next week for a long weekend. She may live further away nowadays, but has never felt this close friend to me. We've even talked more than with any other best friend of mine. (Congrats to us for surviving the famous horrendous 2016!)

I have two part time jobs in retail but I have considered other options than that. Some way of making a difference in this world and helping out people, being proud of the way you spend your days. Currently most of my free time goes to this massive project of clearing out and cleaning my home. Seriously, you can't imagine the kind of junk I've saved all these years living on my own! And has it really been 10 years already!? Yup.. All the useless baggage you just store for the future and carry around with you. Why again? And how the hell didn't I ever notice this. Well, I suppose there's just been other more time and energy consuming things in life. I've come to this quite common realization that I didn't fully live my life, I was just alive for the sake of graduating, jobs, and for my relationships. I wanted to do everything in my power to make the other person feel happy living with me, that I completely forgot who I am, what do I want and who do I want in my life. And I eventually drowned myself under all this unnecessary cheap stuff I hauled from internet, local stores and from my travels abroad. And also by saving all the childhood memoirs from my father's storage. There's some things you can treasure, but you do not need every little thing.
Now I've had the most exhausting but liberating past couple of months, going through every box and closet, piece by piece. { Add as many "You should collect memories, not things" and other like-minded clichés here as you wish. } During the past days I've been as brutal and ruthless as I can be, and either given or thrown away massive amounts of junk. This has been very refreshing and medicinal, as I've been a person who's anxious to throw away anything - especially if it's not completely broken. Kinda reflects on all the aspects of life I suppose.

But all change is for the better now.

Sincerely, Satu.

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